The Stupidity of Harassment Training

The Washington Post reports in an article by Elise Viebeck that the Senate will bring themselves more in line with the rest of the government, as they introduced a bipartisan resolution that would require senators and their aides to undergo periodic training to prevent sexual harassment, a persistent problem on Capitol Hill. I maintain that these namby-pamby trainings, presented well outside of the context where these injustices occur, are a complete waste of time. Frankly, these Senators, as legislators, should be strengthening the laws on abuse, not being brought up to speed on knowing right from wrong! In the words of Trevor Noah, "Let's be clear. Going to sex rehab doesn't absolve you if you committed sex crimes. We're not stupid, guys. There's never been a 'Special Victims Unit' that ends with Ice -T, going, 'Get this serial rapist to Gentle Path at Meadows, I hope you like water aerobics, punk.'"
 
Because of Weinstein, leadership in all sectors is looking for the magic bullet, not to prevent bullying harassment and abuse, but to have a legal shield. This is not sufficient. It has not been since Anita Hill. And it won’t be now, or in the future. It’s 2017 already! I don’t know how many billions have been spent on this sort of training; however, most of these programs are just a bunch of human resource gobbledygook that have little if any positive impact on the problem.

What is required is pretty simple. At first whiff of a problem there should be an intervention, which is a direct one way discussion with the person who is suspected of bullying, harassment or abuse with the following message: “There is noise out there that you may be doing X.” At this point the person will likely try to defend themselves, which should be responded to with, “I am not accusing you; all I am telling you is what I am hearing, and don’t deny me of that. All I want is for the noise to stop; and if you are doing anything that is creating the noise, STOP IT!! Also, if anyone is retaliated against because of this discussion, you’re gone, end of discussion.” 

Throughout my career, I have had this discussion with many people, and in 99 % of the time, the noise stops - and so does the abuse. Now this discussion requires that those who are targeted and bystanders have a safe zone to go to ask that a situation be properly and immediately dealt with. In my book, From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire, I provide specific and pragmatic advice on how to create cultures where bullying, harassment and abuse is just not tolerated, and people feel absolutely comfortable coming forward, not having to wait years for situations to get exposed. 

Since my first book on bullying, I have turned down numerous requests to conduct harassment training because people don’t need more training. What they need is less tolerance by leadership - period.

Another observation I will make is that people cannot be trained to not abuse. People need to be told in no uncertain terms, as I discussed in my recent blog, where Lt. Gen. Jay Silveria firmly reminded his audience of some 4000 cadets in an address at the Air Force Academy, that ‘small thinking and horrible ideas’ have no place here.

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Our Children Must Learn That Creativity Comes Not From Agreement, But From Good-Natured Quarreling

An article by Adam Grant in The Washington Post beautifully articulates the argument that learning the art of effectively communicating disagreement and discussing difficult topics civilly is so desperately needed - not just for our children, but for everyone. This reinforces the  blog I recently wrote about Bret Stevens’ lecture, “The Dying Art of Disagreement”.

The biggest barrier to having critical discussions and debate is how emotional intelligence is perceived and taught. For example, EI training has been a big part of the $500 billion spent on leadership training. Understandably most view emotional intelligence as a soft skill because most of what’s out there is a bunch of fluff encouraging people to be “nice”.

In an interview in the Washington Post by Jena McGregor, on October 4, 2017, with the former Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, whom I met at a Mental Health America conference when he was the Surgeon General, summarizes the current challenge when he explains, “I was at a well known university about nine months ago when I was in office and I asked an audience of 400 faculty and students the following question: ‘How many of you look at emotions as a source of weakness versus a source of power?’ And nearly every hand went up. This is the paradigm we have to flip in this country.” 

Our challenge is to change this perception as Dr. Murthy suggests. Yes, we obviously want people to be nice to each other. But it is more important to be kind, as I discuss in my column in Money, Inc. ‘K is for Kindness’. To be kind, one must in many instances relay messages, take actions and make decisions, which not everyone agrees with. Avoiding these discussions, because they are not nice to have, is actually being unkind. Not having this discourse usually denies others of what they need to hear and prevents them from offering a counter perspective. 

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Don’t Let the #MeToo Movement Lose Momentum!

In the Globe and Mail article by Laura Stone, Employment Minister Patty Hadju urges men to speak out about workplace harassment. This comes on the heels of the Harvey Weinstein scandal about which I blogged about recently.

A couple of weeks ago, I spoke out in a blog about being sexually harassed by a best selling author on bullying, Barbara Coloroso, hoping to encourage others to do the same. Like all stories, it becomes old news in a relatively short period of time. This is the kind of story that can be kept alive for a long time, provided that people speak out. Let’s not lose this opportunity and make my story a one-time wonder. I know it is very difficult to share such personal stories; however, to put a stop to this, predators cannot help but take note. In my book, From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire, I provide a clear pathway for bystanders to become activists.

Now we should use social media to get your stories out either anonymously, or with your name attached, that will keep the #MeToo movement alive. This is the most likely thing that will stop predators from behaving the way they do.

This is not a gender-specific or industry- specific issue, but one that is rampant throughout the entire business community at large in North America. I’ve been working in this arena for close to a decade in terms of researching and writing about it in blogs, and it really has fallen on deaf ears. I know that attempts have been made to go to the media with this, particularly the print media, who are cowards in tackling this. They claim they lack the resources. However, I know from personal experience that the print media cannot be relied upon to be neutral on this for fear of the companies who are exposed pulling their advertising dollars.

Despite the fact that my story about Barbara Coloroso was not picked up by the media, I am not personally giving up, because by me telling my story, I am encouraging others to come forward as well.

A powerful member of the advertising industry, Cindy Gallop put out a public call on FB for men and women to come forward, she received 150 emails. I am asking that you join me in a campaign asking people who have been, or are being targeted, and/or bystanders, to send us the names of companies that should be investigated. We will then send an open letter to the boards of directors of each organization, recommending that they conduct an internal investigation. We will also welcome and become a vehicle for people to tell us their stories, and we will publish them on our site.

Everyone, regardless of gender, should come forward. Almost all of what has been reported has been open secrets for years, even decades.

There has never been a more opportune moment in time for people to be heard who have been abused and harassed.

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Ensuring Cultural Change in America’s Workplace

Could the culture of the American workplace be changing at last? In an article by the Editorial Board of the New York Times, a path is illuminated to help make sure it does.

It is important to understand that the issue of harassment goes well beyond sexual assault. The points being made in the article are dead on, i.e. the complicity of bystanders and the need for cultural transformations. For those who want to make a real difference, my book, From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire, provides advice to the bystanders on how to become witnesses, defenders, protectors and activists.

Michelle Ye Hee Lee and Elise Veebeck, in a Washington Post column, reveal how sexual-harassment victims in Congress can feel pressured because of loyalty and a confusing reporting process. It is disgraceful that Congress resists anti-harassment training, a process every other department of the government requires. Given that the seat of real power rests with those in office, this training, or lack thereof, should be revisited.

It is important to note from a practical perspective that following up on any infractions is crucial to successful cultural transformation. In my experience, at the whiff of any inappropriate behaviour, I speak directly with the person involved about what I heard, without any accusation. However, when they invariably try to argue, I cut the challenge off by saying something like, “Please don’t deny what I am hearing - and if you are doing anything that could be causing the noise - stop.” In over 99% of the cases I have dealt with this way, the noise and what caused the noise stopped - always satisfying those who were targeted.

These action steps are very likely the only ways that inclusivity and diversity can replace the current culture of bullying and harassment that dominate most companies and organizations in North America today.

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Emotional Intelligence Enables People to Have Critical, Successful and Difficult Conversations

Having difficult conversations is inevitable. Having successful discussions about difficult topics is challenging, if not seemingly impossible at times. Engaging in these conversations is a skill well worth developing. David Brooks, in this New York Times article, provides some useful advice for today’s tough climate.

In these conversations people should point out what they do and do not agree with. Expressing that someone has a legitimate grievance, and suggesting that there may be better ways to handle it, can disarm someone who just expects a fight. We are going through - and it will get worse - a period where the roles of bystanders and activists are critical. In my book, From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire, I give guidance on how to go from being a bystander to becoming a protector, defender, resistor and activist.

In my blog, ‘The Importance of Learning to Civilly and Effectively Communicate Disagreement’, I discuss how Emotional Intelligence and living by the Golden Rule greatly enhances your ability to be effective. With the research that we’re engaged in with the Yale Center For Emotional Intelligence, in an initiative called Emotion Revolution in the Workplace, we have validated that emotional intelligence is a tremendous resource in having those critical, difficult discussions, in particular when the ethic of reciprocity is applied.

Having these critical and difficult discussions must also apply to others we have relationships with such as family, vendors, regulators, and communities. There is no question that there is huge discontent for a variety of reasons, which is fuelling the flames of bigotry, polarization, protectionism and extremism. I assert that creating emotionally intelligent schools, workplaces, and associations is perhaps our only hope in stopping the normalization of the abnormal.

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Join the #metoo Movement

Tarana Burke, the woman behind ‘Me Too’ knew the power of the phrase when she created it 10 years ago. Before #metoo went viral, she was using “me too” to reach women of color who survived sexual violence. 

And, it is important to remember that harassment comes in forms in addition to than sexual harassment. Anyone who is targeted should join the Me Too movement. There is no doubt strength in numbers, as uncovered in Lindy West’s Op-Ed piece, should encourage executives and boards to become even more aware of and sensitive to the issue. Now is a golden opportunity for a flood of harassment to get flushed out.

As I wrote in one of my blogs, the issues of sexual harassment are prevalent amongst men as well. Everyone needs to step out and allow his or her voice to be heard. In her recent Op-Ed article, Margaret Renkl describes just how effectively movements succeed when the number of activists increases.

This is already beginning to happen as evidenced in the New York Times article by Adam Nagourney and Jennifer Medina, showing that 140 women have already come forward in California alone!

In another New York Times article by Emily Steel and Michael S. Schmidt, Fox News demonstrated just how disingenuous the Murdock’s were and still are. The fact that Fox News did not deal with O’Reilly at the same time they dealt with Roger Ailes begs the question – why should we believe them now? Miraculously, he was fired, but only after more previously known and covered up incidents were revealed. Fox’s words ring hollow for most women, who were too afraid to come forward after O’Reilly’s contract renewal.

In my book, From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire, I discuss the importance of the bystander becoming an activist. The time is ripe for all harassed people to step forward and expose these predators for who they are.

“Bullying and Prejudice in Our Public Life Sets a National Tone”

When John McCain, Barack Obama and George W. Bush publicly appeal to Americans, as McCain pleaded “not to loose our soul”, it is safe to say that democracy is at huge risk.

Everyone should listen to how eloquently they described what is occurring, and the fragility of the checks and balances that most were naively banking on to avoid not what could happen, but what is happening. These thoughts are further echoed in Thomas B. Edsall’s informed opinion in the New York Times yesterday.

I have been regularly blogging about the dangers that the current administration has been creating since its swearing in.

A major factor is, as Bush laid out, “Bullying and prejudice in our public life sets a national tone, provides permission for cruelty and bigotry, and compromises the moral education of children.”

In my book, From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire, I discuss the many ways bullying undermines society’s ability to champion inclusivity and diversity, two notions Trump cannot embrace.

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Perks at Work Alone Won’t Change Toxic Cultures

With the spotlight brightening on the need for a return to civility in society, especially in the workplace, as the injustices pile up, as I have highlighted in my blogs, the focus must remain on the unnecessary stress employees endure. In a recent article by Alec Gewirtz in Thrive Global, a number of Fortune 500 companies are making an effort to ease these stresses by including calming activities and other recreational outlets to their employees’ while at work. After all, studies have shown that relieving stress at work increases productivity.

I would suggest, however, that before you ‘buy the ping pong table’, to be sure that the culture of your organization is psychologically healthy enough to successfully implement these perks. In my book, From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire, I discuss the many ways bullying produces stress in the workplace. I also offer suggestions on how to handle these difficult situations.

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Harassment - Abuse - Extortion Runs Rampant in Workplaces

In a Washington Post article, Danielle Paquette describes the depressing truth about sexual harassment in America. What is even more depressing is that this same truth holds exists for all forms of abuse, harassment, extortion and exploitation in the workplace. I have been harping about this for close to a decade. In my book, From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire, I articulated these very points, something I have continued featuring in articles, and in blogs on my website.

Actor James Van Der Beek reveals he faced sexual harassment by ‘older, powerful men,’ in wake of Weinstein scandal. "I’ve had my ass grabbed by older, powerful men," he wrote. In yesterday’s blog, I discuss Terry Crews’ tale as well as sharing my own experience.

Alyssa Rosenberg’s Washington Post article underscores the complexity of this societal scourge in her headline, ‘For the Harvey Weinstein scandal to mean anything, it will have to get a lot worse.’ I'm disgusted by the allegations against Harvey Weinstein. But if we're ever to have a shot at addressing sexual harassment and sexual assault, we have to accept that he's not an exception. Unfortunately, it’s not just Harvey Weinstein. In fact, his actions can no longer even be considered rare. He just happened to get caught. The latest top Hollywood executive under scrutiny is Amazon Studio’s chief Roy Price, suspended amid sexual harassment allegations, as revealed in another Washington Post article by Mary Hui.

Anyone who has been abused, harassed, and bullied needs to come forward. The more that do will cause the bullies and predators to think twice before they do it again.

Author: Andrew Faas

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MEN GET SEXUALLY HARASSED, TOO

In a Washington Post article by Emily Yahr, actor Terry Crews says, “a ‘high level Hollywood executive’ groped him. He continued, “This whole thing with Harvey Weinstein is giving me PTSD. Why? Because this kind of thing happened to ME," the former NFL player tweeted.

Mr. Crews, in relaying his reaction to the Weinstein scandal, stated that he is still haunted by what happened to him, and has expressed what most men and women experience long after the event, sometimes for the rest of their lives. I can speak to this because, like Crews, “this kind of thing happened to ME!"

On two occasions, my former co -author, the highly regarded bullying expert Barbara Coloroso, made sexual advances towards me - one verbal and the other physical. In one of the incidences she bragged to me that she had seduced a gay Canadian Olympian, after she taught him how to kayak. Based on her aggressiveness with me I am sure we were not the only ones she harassed. She is in the same category as Trump, Roger Ailes, Bill O’Reilly and Bill Cosby pathetic predators.

After I rejected her physical advance, Coloroso started a campaign to discredit me, enlisting The Workplace Bullying Institute’s Gary Namie, the Toronto Star, and Google as weapons. I wrote a blog about my experience, but even now they continue to bully me.

My initial reaction was to expose what was happening to me and why. Almost everyone from whom I sought advice on this discouraged me from pursuing this course of action. Upon reflection, they were wrong, and I was wrong in following it. Rather I sought remedy through the legal process. Legally I won, but emotionally I lost. 

Until the conclusion of the court case, through my books, including From Bully to Bull’s-Eye: Move Your Organization Out of the Line of Fire, and in articles and blogs, I gave people who are targeted hope. I am an expert on the topic of bullying, abuse and harassment, and had deep enough pockets to fight it. As I indicated earlier, emotionally I lost; and the tragedy of this is my inability, in good conscience to continue to give those who are targeted hope. 

The Weinstein story may have a good result is giving people the courage to come forward with what happened in the past and ideally exposing bullies and predators immediately after it occurs. 

This should also motivate organizations to provide their employees with ombudspersons to as a method by which they can seek advice and support on both report and seek recourse. As indicated in yesterday’s blog Human Resources just doesn’t cut it. 

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